


Except What's Real is all Rehearsed

by DisgruntledPelican



Category: Schitt's Creek (TV) RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:55:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22855837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DisgruntledPelican/pseuds/DisgruntledPelican
Summary: A little book of ficlets and drabbles. Mostly just silly ramblings, with maybe a few emotions sprinkled in because sometimes I can't help myself!Title from Tiff Song, by Noah Reid
Relationships: Dan Levy/Noah Reid
Comments: 11
Kudos: 28





	Except What's Real is all Rehearsed

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first of an unknown number of ficlets and drabbles that live in the world of RPF. 
> 
> If RPF isn't your thing, please hit the back button. And also... how did you even get here to read these words? 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this little sick-ficlet.

It’s early, too early. The sun’s not up, Red’s not even up. But Dan can hear Noah puttering around his bedroom, into the bathroom, back into the bedroom, then back in the bathroom. Dan loves Noah, _like a lot_ , but for fucks sake why is he up so early?

And then Dan hears it. He hears it and he immediately regrets all of his life choices. Dan’s spine stiffens and his insides freeze.

Noah coughs. And then coughs, again.

Noah continues to cough and it’s… disgusting. It’s wet, and deep, and it last for fucking ever, and Dan wishes he’d slept in a hazmat suit instead of practically naked and pressed up against the source of the utterly grotesque sounds currently being made in his bathroom. 

Dan sits up in bed and immediately plans his next several moves. He has to act quick, before Noah leaves the bathroom and infiltrates even more of Dan’s pores with his germs. He quickly removes the covers from his body and simultaneously grabs his phone from the charger on the bedside table. He eyes his ring and bracelet that were next to his phone, but there’s no time and every micro-second counts.

Phone in hand, he flies to his dresser and grabs a pair of joggers, a clean t-shirt, and two socks. He glances at the socks in his hands and thinks they bare enough of a resemblance to be a matching pair. If he had more time, he would make sure… but he doesn’t have time. He hears Noah’s grumbly, after-cough, throat scratches getting closer and closer to the bathroom door and Dan _cannot_ still be in the bedroom when Noah enters it… their relationship just wouldn't survive that kind of trauma. 

Once Dan successful extricates himself from his bedroom, where he will quarantine Noah for the foreseeable future, he positions himself on the opposite side of the door.

Eventually, he hears Noah on the other side, “Daniel, where’d you go?”

“Uhh. Hi, honey.” He was going for casual, but his words come out high-pitched and the opposite of effortless.

“Are you standing on the opposite side of a closed door?”

“Mhmm, yes.” Dan answers. He really wants to feel bad about this current circumstance, but self-preservation is a real thing and he had no other choice.

Dan hears Noah approach the door and places his hand on the door knob just as Noah tries to open the door between them.

“Daniel, are you locking me in your room?”

“Yes?”

Noah clears his throat and it sounds horribly painful. 

“Okay, let me try again. Daniel, _why_ are you locking me in your room?”

An awkward silence spreads between them, before Dan finally responds, “You coughed.”

All Dan hears on the other side of the door is a heavy sigh, compounded by a stuffy nose. 

Dan knows he should explain himself. But also, Noah should know that Dan is this way. They've traveled together before. He's seen the lengths Dan goes in airports, and crowded areas. This really shouldn't be a huge surprise.

“Look Noah, you coughed and it was gross. And I really love you, but I just can’t. _I can’t._ I got everything I need for today and we can still talk to each other from opposite rooms but I just think it’s best that you rest in the bedroom and keep your germs with you!”

There is another awkward silence between them. Dan feels Noah let go of the door, so he does the same. 

“So you got everything you need out of the room for today? You won’t need to come in here?” Noah asks. There is a hint of skepticism in his voice, so Dan does a quick inventory. Clothes, phone. He sees his laptop on his desk. 

“Yes?”

“Well, thanks for letting me snuggle with Red all day, babe. This is going to be great.”

Dan’s mouth falls open, his hands flail in exasperation and he drops the now insignificant items to the ground.

“Oh my god, what have I done!?”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my Rosebudd RPF pals for the encouragement and just general awesomeness that you share on a daily basis. Love to you all!
> 
> If you have any prompts you'd like to share, please feel free to do so in the comments!


End file.
